"DON'T DISTRACT ME! I'm trying to focus. I canNOT do more than one thing at a time. Only I, and I alone, can solve this crisis. Why? Because I'm such a leader. A leader, my friends, who brings both sides of the aisle together. Yes, both Republicans and those liberal-elite-smarty-pants-Democrats. I don't understand finance and economics, and I barely graduated from the naval academy, but I can certainly solve any crisis involving finance and/or economics. Yessireebob.
"I am SO committed to solving this economic crisis that I am suspending my campaign and call upon my uppity opponent, Senator Obama, to agree to delay Friday's debate, for which I am more than ready, by golly. Of course, my surrogates will continue to trash Senator Obama by spreading lies to anyone who will listen. Those surrogates who aren't busy running the state of Alaska, that is.
"Regrettably, my friends, my highly qualified VP candidate cannot join me on Capitol Hill to resolve this financial crisis because she is working diligently to create world peace by meeting with foreign leaders and discussing names of their children in order to give her daughter, Bristol, some suggestions. She can't take any questions from the media either, because she's so busy. In fact, her debate with Senator Biden should also be delayed. Because of this terrible economic crisis, not because she isn't ready. Because she's ready, my friends. Honest. Would I lie?
"So...hey! Where are you going? I'm not finished taking credit for hammering out a deal that would have been made a lot faster had I not stuck in my big, fat, skin-cancered nose. What about my photo op? COME BACK HERE WITH THAT CAMERA RIGHT THIS INSTANT! Hey! Did you know I was a POW?"
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