My friends, it's been a long couple of months, but the election is now over. I tried to call President-Elect Obama to extend my most sincere congratulations, but he's not listed.
I will now go back to my private life and begin my search for a new job. While I had hoped the voters would hand me one, I realize now that we must all put in the effort for ourselves. You rat bastards. You couldn't do this one little thing I asked of you. May you all rot in hell.
Ahem. Clearly, someone has hacked into my laptop and rewritten my concession speech.
2012 isn't that far away, even though Sarah Palin says it is, so I may be back. And when I do come back, you can be darn tootin' sure I'll be able to name the continents. Yes, I already know that Africa is one.
Tonya has been a fine running mate, but has told me she plans to return to her private life and has no interest in running for office again. So as 2012 draws near, I'll be considering new running mate possibilities. I may consider a fellow sock critter instead of a human, but there's plenty of time to assess the political viability of that.
Again, to my supporter(s), I thank you. Even though your donation check is still in the mail, I know you've given me your full support and did everything you could to get me elected.
Thank you, may Sock Monkey bless you and the United States of America. And Canada.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
President Barack Obama!
Wow! What a fantastic moment in our history. Congratulations, Barack. You deserve this. You EARNED this.
Go vote, dammit!
Don't read this. Go vote! If you don't see my name on the ballot, go ahead and vote for Obama. It's ok. I won't be offended. The only way I'll be offended is if McCain wins.
Yeah, so, we went to see Obama last night in Manassas, Virginia. They let people in at 5:00, and the program was to start at 9:00. Already, that's four plus hours on your feet. We got there a bit after 4:00 and there were already a few thousand people there. When we got in, we were probably 7 or 8 rows from the stage. That turned out to be pretty good because the place was packed! I've seen estimates from 80,000 to 100,000. In Virginia! On a Monday, the day before the election! I think that's more than McCain got at all seven of his rallies yesterday.
Obama was running late and didn't get there until 10:30. Ugh! My back and legs were killing me by that point and the crowd was beginning to get restless. I was a little worried we'd go all McCain on each other, but it turned out ok.
[A little tip for the Obama staff: Really, it's ok to share information. If you'd told us he was delayed and gave us an ETA, we would have been fine. We wouldn't have left and would have been nicer to the band. Honest. Nothing at all wrong with setting expectations.]
The worst part was the people behind us. While I think it's great that so many parents wanted their children to have a chance to see Obama, expecting little kids (like, 6 or 7 years old, or younger) to behave for 6 hours is absurd. Even if Obama had been on time, that's a lot to ask of a little kid. And a lot to ask of the people those kids step on and bump into.
Then there were the adults with the kids. One of them shouted "Hallelujah!" at every feasible opportunity. She was a bit of a nutcase. And she was a leaner. Seriously. My partner was practically giving her a piggy back ride, that's how close she was.
But that's to be expected in a crowd that size. Obama was worth it, though. Man, he knows how to inspire people!
So go vote. Vote for Barack Obama. He's the president we deserve.
Yeah, so, we went to see Obama last night in Manassas, Virginia. They let people in at 5:00, and the program was to start at 9:00. Already, that's four plus hours on your feet. We got there a bit after 4:00 and there were already a few thousand people there. When we got in, we were probably 7 or 8 rows from the stage. That turned out to be pretty good because the place was packed! I've seen estimates from 80,000 to 100,000. In Virginia! On a Monday, the day before the election! I think that's more than McCain got at all seven of his rallies yesterday.
Obama was running late and didn't get there until 10:30. Ugh! My back and legs were killing me by that point and the crowd was beginning to get restless. I was a little worried we'd go all McCain on each other, but it turned out ok.
[A little tip for the Obama staff: Really, it's ok to share information. If you'd told us he was delayed and gave us an ETA, we would have been fine. We wouldn't have left and would have been nicer to the band. Honest. Nothing at all wrong with setting expectations.]
The worst part was the people behind us. While I think it's great that so many parents wanted their children to have a chance to see Obama, expecting little kids (like, 6 or 7 years old, or younger) to behave for 6 hours is absurd. Even if Obama had been on time, that's a lot to ask of a little kid. And a lot to ask of the people those kids step on and bump into.
Then there were the adults with the kids. One of them shouted "Hallelujah!" at every feasible opportunity. She was a bit of a nutcase. And she was a leaner. Seriously. My partner was practically giving her a piggy back ride, that's how close she was.
But that's to be expected in a crowd that size. Obama was worth it, though. Man, he knows how to inspire people!
So go vote. Vote for Barack Obama. He's the president we deserve.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Last chance!
Ok, this is it. The last chance for me to make the case for my candidacy. Let's review my qualifications:
- I meet the age requirement.
- I was born in the US and, therefore, am a US citizen.
- I already live in DC, so there won't be a big moving expense.
- I need the job.
That's a pretty solid resume, if you ask me. Let's not discuss the VP side of things. Nothing against Tonya, but I'm pretty healthy so completing my term shouldn't be an issue.
I don't know what kinds of last minute attacks my opponents could try. Obama seems pretty content to cruise along. McCain will no doubt try to question the resident status of my cats, both of which were adopted from the Texas chapter of Siamese Rescue. Palin will no doubt try to hunt them. Good thing they are strictly indoor kitties.
Hey, how about McCain's latest endorsement? Dick Cheney! What a coup!
Oh! Oh! Guess who I'm going to see tonight! BARACK OBAMA! He's going to be in Manassas, Virginia, so we're going! EEEeeeeek!
Don't forget: Obama-Jama tomorrow night when watching the returns on MSNBC!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
First amendment hoo-ha
That Sarah Palin is something else. I certainly hope she's never appointed to the Supreme Court because it's pretty clear she (a) has never read the Constitution, and (2) doesn't have a freakin' clue what she's talking about. My guess is she and Joe the Plumber have had some late night discussions about the Constitution. Wow - just got a chill up my spine.
It's absolutely worth repeating her comments about the First Amendment:
"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations, then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."
She is so wrong on so many levels, it makes my brain hurt.
VOTERS: Let me make this perfectly clear to you. You should want a president who is way smarter than you, who is calm under fire and is thoughtful and considered when making tough decisions. Did I mention the way smarter part? I did? Well, it's worth repeating. Way WAY smarter than you. Hey, I know! Let's elect a CONSTITUTIONAL SCHOLAR like, say, Barack Obama. For the love of god, people, how can you even think about putting Palin one 72-year-old, cancer-ridden heartbeat away from the Oval Office?
And speaking of God, what on earth has happened to Liddy Dole? She has put out not one, but TWO ads claiming her Sunday-school-teaching opponent is an atheist. Don't get me wrong. I think a person's religion should be of no consequence when determining fitness for office, and I believe religion (specifically Christianity) is too influential in our political world. But to blatantly lie and question a person's character like that? Shameful. Looks like Dole is going down, and if she keeps this up, it will be a rout. Good.
In a shameless plug, our 2009 sock monkey calendar is now available. The photo for May (also below) is a follow-up to Palin's butchering of Madeline Albright's comment about a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. You probably can't read the little sign behind Satan, but it says "Reserved for S. Palin". Heh.
It's absolutely worth repeating her comments about the First Amendment:
"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations, then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."
She is so wrong on so many levels, it makes my brain hurt.
VOTERS: Let me make this perfectly clear to you. You should want a president who is way smarter than you, who is calm under fire and is thoughtful and considered when making tough decisions. Did I mention the way smarter part? I did? Well, it's worth repeating. Way WAY smarter than you. Hey, I know! Let's elect a CONSTITUTIONAL SCHOLAR like, say, Barack Obama. For the love of god, people, how can you even think about putting Palin one 72-year-old, cancer-ridden heartbeat away from the Oval Office?
And speaking of God, what on earth has happened to Liddy Dole? She has put out not one, but TWO ads claiming her Sunday-school-teaching opponent is an atheist. Don't get me wrong. I think a person's religion should be of no consequence when determining fitness for office, and I believe religion (specifically Christianity) is too influential in our political world. But to blatantly lie and question a person's character like that? Shameful. Looks like Dole is going down, and if she keeps this up, it will be a rout. Good.
In a shameless plug, our 2009 sock monkey calendar is now available. The photo for May (also below) is a follow-up to Palin's butchering of Madeline Albright's comment about a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. You probably can't read the little sign behind Satan, but it says "Reserved for S. Palin". Heh.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Four more days
Yes, the end is near. And I sincerely hope it brings the end of Joe the Plumber. That McCain has foisted this nutjob on us is reason enough for McCain to lose. Joe the Plumber recently agreed with a fellow nutjob who said, "a vote for Obama is a vote for the death of Israel." I mean, Joe got Fox News to defend Obama! That is some seriously wild shit. You have to be a pretty major nutbar to get that to happen.
Be sure to watch the video clip of McCain calling for JtP, only to learn he wasn't there. I believe this was at the "rally" where 2/3 of the audience had to be bused in from local schools. Give it up, Johnny. You are going to LOSE.
I wish I could say that the election of President Barack Obama also would mean the end of Sarah Palin. Alas, it's extremely unlikely that we will have seen the last of her. I call upon all Alaskans to do whatever is necessary to bring this woman down. Oh, and please don't re-elect Ted Stevens!
Anyway...I voted yesterday. I needed to get out of the house so I hopped on my bike and rode down to Judiciary Square. There was a steady stream of people coming in to vote. Pretty amazing, actually. Not that there's a big surprise who will win in DC. Obama should easily get over 90% of the vote. Then I swung by the Obama DC office to get a t-shirt for a friend. Guess my friend isn't voting for me. That's ok, I suppose. Let's face it: now I'm running just for the paycheck.
Be sure to watch the video clip of McCain calling for JtP, only to learn he wasn't there. I believe this was at the "rally" where 2/3 of the audience had to be bused in from local schools. Give it up, Johnny. You are going to LOSE.
I wish I could say that the election of President Barack Obama also would mean the end of Sarah Palin. Alas, it's extremely unlikely that we will have seen the last of her. I call upon all Alaskans to do whatever is necessary to bring this woman down. Oh, and please don't re-elect Ted Stevens!
Anyway...I voted yesterday. I needed to get out of the house so I hopped on my bike and rode down to Judiciary Square. There was a steady stream of people coming in to vote. Pretty amazing, actually. Not that there's a big surprise who will win in DC. Obama should easily get over 90% of the vote. Then I swung by the Obama DC office to get a t-shirt for a friend. Guess my friend isn't voting for me. That's ok, I suppose. Let's face it: now I'm running just for the paycheck.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Whack job?
Tonya is furious! One of McCain's top advisers called Sarah Palin a whack job. Don't you think that term is better suited to Tonya Harding? All I know is that I'm wearing knee pads today.
Such dissension in the McCain-Palin camp. Tsk. If McCain and his advisors had done their homework before plucking Palin from obscurity, they would have known about her penchant for stabbing people in the back. So I don't feel a lot of sympathy for them, nor do I feel any for Palin. She shamelessly promoted herself to get this opportunity. Know what I think is going to happen after the election? I think she's going to move to Arizona and run against McCain when he's up for re-election.
McCain has been making a lot of snide comments about Obama measuring the drapes in the Oval Office, but that's just absurd. I'm the one who's been doing that (and I'm thinking blinds this time around). In fact, my campaign has even had a dress rehearsal for inauguration day.
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